USED galleon

prayer

“Help me to find You now in this moment of deepest grief, My darling. I want to be with You, heart to heart, face to face where all I see is You and Your beauty and Your majesty. I need to see Your eyes now, so desperately! When You look at me, You see deep down into my soul; You search me and You find me in my despair. You know my heart inside out. You see my need and the hurt, even when I want to blame You and question Your ways with me; even when I say, “It’s not fair!”  Oh, My Husband and my King, my best Sweetheart, my closest Friend, the One who never leaves me, never gives up on me, I want to be single-minded. This is my desire, but sometimes –I’m so sorry– I falter and fall and stumble and find myself in the dirt again. I feel so hurt, and again that it is too hard. I lose all my resolve, and it seems impossible all over again. So tired, but I can’t sleep. Hungry but can’t eat. Feels like I’m in reverse –falling… like there’s nothing to hold onto. How quickly that crack floods my mind. And yes, right when my galleon is full…full of blind obedience and just saying yes, the test comes, and I fail so miserably…I’m so sorry my Jesus…but where shall I go from Your presence; where shall I flee from You, darling One? You are right with me lying in the mud. You are willing to lie down in the mud with me and get all dirty too, dear sweet Jesus. Oh Jesus, you are with me when I make my bed in the dirt. You know my frame, how so very hopeless I am without You. I don’t want to turn my face away from You, my sweetest ever! I really do want the truth in my inward parts; you know that –despite my wanting to just disappear and not have to face this unclimbable mountain before me. It is too high, too steep, too rocky, too cold, too windy, not enough oxygen!”

Psalm 19:2

Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge
Psalm 22:2 O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.
Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Jesus speaking:

The night shall always pass. The heavy eyes, the exhaustion, the tormenting ailments, will all pass away in their time. I don’t allow afflictions without a cause; I don’t throw these things around randomly. There is a purpose in everything. In EVERYTHING, there is a purpose. Isn’t that wonderful? If you can truly believe that, then you will begin to see all battles from a different perspective. “They have a purpose; they were sent,” you will say, “I’m supposed to learn something.” Even when you don’t seem to have learned anything, you’ve still learnt something. Deep inside you’ve gained something. You’re a bit beaten up and washed out, but you’re also a more hardened soldier. You’ve gained grit, more endurance, and experience. You took it on the chin and are back up again! You’re being proven. Your mettle is being honed and tempered. Some fights are just that—proving melees. Every soldier has to be kept on his toes, else he become corpulent and lazy. So I keep you on your toes in many ways, My dear soldier. Even if it means rising from your cot in the midnight watches to face a duel outside your tent. The air is cool and sharp. The only light you have is the moon as it casts its deep shadows over the great field. It’s only you and your counterpart. You are all alone in the vast expanse of night…These night seasons teach you something you can never learn in the daytime. There’s a certain spirit about night. Your Father David talked about this. The quietness, the stillness, there’s so much the night can teach you, if you’ll listen…

 

 

Psalm 4:8

I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.
Psalm 6:6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.
Psalm 16:7 I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.
Psalm 17:3 Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.

Jesus speaking:

I use these tests of the flesh to teach you so many different things. There’s usually a main focus, a particular area of your life that I zero in on in every battle. But all throughout the experience there are also other things that I am hoping you’ll learn along the way. Like how to be praiseful no matter how bad you feel. Purpose in your heart that you will not allow your mouth to transgress by murmuring or doubting, even if I deprive you of your sleep when My Word says that I give My Beloved rest.  Even if it seems that I have not fulfilled My promise, you still don’t doubt and murmur.  Sometimes I don’t fulfill what My Word says because I am trying to get somewhere with you. And if I did fulfill the promise, it would be like rescuing you prematurely. But in the end, I always do fulfill what I’ve said. Once you’ve gone through the fire and have learned what I’ve wanted you to, then I can give you the rest you are claiming. But you see, it’s not all about getting to the end of the battle! Battles are tests, and in tests you’re supposed to show how much you’ve learned. And if you’re lacking in some area, then I’ll bring you back there until you grasp it. So when you pray, you shouldn’t pray to be delivered—you should pray, “Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”