Testimony of Faith…Wasting Away

I was wasting away in prison

“Time, what’s the time? Oh God is that it? How long have I been waiting? Hmm… do I still stand a chance anyway?? What’s the matter…You still have a plan…..right?”

(Spirit helper speaking):

“Hey, those were my thoughts. That was my life for 10 years: trusting.

I guess you could call me a blessed one. The rest of my family were killed, but I was sent to prison for umm…being a Christian. I lived in modern days,  but yeah I lived my youth in a Chinese prison. Forgotten, forsaken you name it. I thought those thoughts I felt that feeling of complete and utter hopelessness. I almost gave up on life, but something kept me going, no, I wasn’t a great prison evangelist. In the eyes of any normal person those years of my life were seemingly wasted behind bars. Umm…Father, do You still know? Are Your promises true for me too?

But I held on to the fact that I was there because Jesus saw me worthy to suffer for His Name. At least in the beginning that worked…but as months turned into years I felt myself fringing on the edge of madness…I  would stare into the clock and just lose touch of everything, and I honestly felt that yes, I was fading. It was while I was in that trance like state that it happened, I received one verse that made everything suddenly clear and snap back into focus. Just one verse saved me from insanity. I didn’t see anything, I just heard this: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but If it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.”

Here I was “losing” my life in prison, just wasting away and He was telling me that I was actually saving it?? That struck my soul like lightning and from that day on I held on to the promise that one day I would see much fruit borne in my life…I never saw it in the way that I imagined: great witnessing, hundreds of souls won so on so forth. Yes when I was released I had a great testimony. I had led many to the Lord and comforted many others. But when I arrived Here the Lord showed me just what type of fruit He was looking for.

In those seemingly endless years; how was I actually saving my life all that time? During those years I learned to trust, I learned to love Jesus more than my freedom, I learned to pray and keep praying without ever seeing any results, I learned to praise through my tears, I learned how to be closer to Jesus than ever before, I learned that He knows better. In the confinement of prison I learned that, yes, Jesus is enough. And when I got Here He showed me just how much I gained in prison! I had been saving my life all that time when I was seemingly losing it.

You might be in some prison too. You might feel like anymore is too much. He’s got you there for a reason, and He is teaching you, right now, how to love Him more than your life itself. More than that thing called relief and painless existence. Darling it won’t last too long, it won’t continue longer than what is absolutely necessary. Sweetheart it’s beautiful, when you get Here you’ll see how much you really gained from losing. Losing what you wanted and gaining what you have truly been after all along. He promises you and He always keeps His promise believe that sweet one.

It is not a matter of being free from what you see as prison… it’s a matter of being free while still in prison.

Praising behind those bars knowing that they are there because He loves you, singing on the stake because you know Heaven’s coming.  Blessed are those that carry the burden of waiting…wait, wait, wait, to learn to trust, to learn to wait and to lift up your voice and know that He knows better. I love you