IT’S SO HARD TO BE NOTHING AND TO DISAPPEAR. THE FLESH ALWAYS RESISTS IT
November 15, 2025…Cutting-Edge Discipleship
“It’s so hard to be nothing and to disappear. The flesh always resists it. It always wants to be seen and feel like it has worth. It gets so lonely and cold in the cave and you immediately want something to make you feel better. You want to be something, but God’s word just doesn’t do that for you. It just doesn’t allow for anything to build up and prosper the flesh. I mean if you really follow these truths, really pursue them they will require it all from you. They’ll burn off the superfluous and the fake if you really dance to their tune, you’ll find your true motives and true heart burned bare. “
My Experiences With Malaria
I’m not telling you anything new when I say malaria can kill in quick order; however, in my case, I’ve noticed something very intriguing about malaria. It has the ability to take the sufferer to the edge of the spirit world —without meditation, deep dreaming or hallucinogenic drugs. Malaria is a spirit trip, but with the burden of the overweight luggage of the poor-me’s and pain.
Malarial spirit trips are interesting, that is, if you don’t have a bad trip, but by far the most stimulating experience I have when suffering a bout of malaria is that my prayers are far more lucid, cutting-edge, direct and hard-hitting. It is as if I really have hold of that spiritual sword and am cutting right to the heart of the matter.
Of course, in the background the flesh is screaming out for it all to stop. What’s new? The flesh does that in the midst of any battle. It just wants surcease from the pain and fighting—the blood, sweat, and tears. The spirit, on the other hand, is gung-ho. It wants cutting-edge discipleship and is willing to pay the price, no matter what size or shape the battle comes in. Unlike many spiritual battles, malaria has a quick cure, and within a short period of time the medicine destroys the bugs and victory is won.
With Malaria there is also a pre-healing escape route the patient can take, and it’s called paracetamol. Paracetamol dulls the awful, yucky feeling that accompanies malaria, yet what I’ve experienced is that it also pulls the spirit back from the “cutting edge.” My prayers become less lucid, and the desire to fight desperately in prayer diminishes as the flesh begins to feel comfortable and, in time, drifts off to sleep.
Cutting-Edge Discipleship
I’m not here to argue the benefits of sleep and rest for someone who is sick. The point I want to make is that the spiritual warfare that comes with malaria is comparable to any spiritual war the spirit is engaged in. There is pain, tears, and a very, very strong fleshly desire to get out of the situation as quickly as possible, regardless of whether the battle is won or lost.
The thing is, cutting-edge discipleship is an experience the flesh has no interest in. The flesh will kneel at the edge of the battlefield, pleading and weeping for deliverance. It cares nothing for spiritual warfare, mountain summits, caves, sickness, accidents, well-done’s, or crowns; its only interest is in getting out of the war zone. It wants to be pampered, so it goes for the pottage every time. Well, I’m sorry to say, that’s not cutting-edge discipleship. It’s the coward’s way out and will end in a coward’s reward.
Life on earth is all about spiritual warfare, mountain summits, caves, sickness, accidents, well-done’s and crowns. In essence, it is about cutting-edge discipleship.
Following Are Some Pertinent Excerpts From “The Lowest Pathway (PDF)”.
Are You Willing to Pay the Price?
“Come now My loves, give Me your finger, the ring finger, and let it be pierced that blood is drawn. Let it be as a covenant between Me and thee, a blood covenant between My bride and I –a covenant that will not be broken by you or I for all eternity; My blood and your blood mingled as one forever.”
15-6-21 Prophecy: “If your only desire is to be something I can use, then this is the way: walk ye in it. If you want to come to the place where you are no longer afraid, no longer scared of the loss, then I say allow yourself to be humiliated, exposed, crushed, and broken. That is the only way the vestiges of self are removed. I am not saying you won’t hurt and feel pain, but the fear that I will let you down won’t be there; the fear that comes with pride won’t be there.
The fear of losing something so precious that you will seem to never get back won’t be holding your heart so tightly. The fear that comes when you fear you’ll lose who you are—fear that you’ll lose your reputation and your image—will be gone.
You won’t be held back by the fear of man; I will be able to put you in any situation, knowing you’ll do My will simply because you have nothing left to live for. I am everything, and that’s your one goal. And although you are tempted and tested, you remain steadfast in My promises, and you go and do whatever I put on your heart.” (The Lowest Pathway)
“This road doesn’t allow for fakers and lip service…and because it’s so lonely, so desolate and so cold for the flesh, you can be sure a million different demons will be trying to drag your butt down to Earth. You really have to be extreme and turn your back on all of it. One step in that wrong direction and you will begin to falter and weaken and if you don’t turn around that weakness, that demon will crush you, will beat you down till it feels like it’s impossible to throw off…till that weakness rules you and you are its slave.
Your excuse was you just wanted something, anything to take the edge off the loneliness, gnawing the emptiness and that feeling of being nothing. In the end you just didn’t want to be nothing; you refused it and you said no, so your demons came in and took over. They took the will you refused to give over to Jesus; just because you didn’t want to be empty and broken… just a little something for Jesus to use.
You didn’t want to suffer with the people of God for a season, being nothing and having nothing, but instead you wanted to be someone and something so that the bitter winds of the wilderness wouldn’t bite as hard.
Yet in the end it will destroy you. That pride and that lust will be the thing that comes in and eats your spirit away and take away all that you could have been. You could have been a beautiful vessel, but you despised the lowest pathways and desired something better for yourself and your flesh. Don’t hate the lowliness and the humility, the loneliness.” (The Lowest Pathway)
“Whatever you know will absolutely destroy “you” that is probably what you’ve been avoiding and refusing. It’s because you despised that utter brokenness, that utter humility that comes from truly giving all. How can you be a mouthpiece for Jesus if you’ve refused to be empty, refused to be nothing and refused to die? Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and DIE…you have to kill whatever it is you think you can’t live without.
Only then will your pride truly die the death that it will take for there to be a rebirth in your life. Oh for pride and flesh to be put to death is so grievous to you. So painful! But be certain that if you lay your open heart on the altar telling Jesus to cut and slice as He wills and really mean it, then your pride will surely be dying the death alongside you. Your problem has been that you tried to kill your pride all the while holding onto your heart and saying you can’t very well let go of “all” your will and desires, so it was all bit fake and not deep.
So if you want the heart surgery…you can’t be afraid of the sword of the Word and you have to ACTUALLY DO what it says. If you really do what the Word says there honestly won’t be anything left of you. It will purge your wicked heart that reverts so quickly back to self-righteousness and pride even though it is only steps away from its former sins.” (The Lowest Pathway)
“You really have to lay it down; the desires to be more than He wants of you. And it’s painful when you feel like others are better than you and you want to prove that you can do it too…but it becomes so fake (Video), so superficial and your love gets choked and you forget the meaning and the purpose. Your service grows cold and the hot passion He craves from you gets clogged with self-glorification.
Some people, well everybody actually at some point, get caught up in the beauty and emotion of God’s Words; they lose sight of what it’s actually saying to them…they get distracted by the pretty shining surface of the water. I am come to you and you see how beautiful I am, how humble and transparent I am and you sometimes just forget what it all means. You so easily forget the hard truth and that I am calling you to dive deep, deep, deep into this water…to let your flesh drown and your own will suffocate.
It’s here where you start second-guessing and compromising. I know it’s human nature, but I want you to really look at yourself. Look at yourself and see where your heart is; where is your heart? Are you truly willing to disappear? You are in the perfect circumstances to do so, but what will you do with them? Please take my hand and resist these sirens of the world and pride…it’s not free, you know? If you want the highest truths you must be willing to be the lowliest.” (The Lowest Pathway)
LISTEN TO THIS BLOG ON PODCAST (Audio)
SOME VITAL ENDTIME PRAYER REQUESTS (PDF)
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